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Friday, December 2, 2011

Let's Recap

Howdy bloggies,

So-- you've probably figured this out already---but there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to my blog at all. 

Basically-- I just keep a list of random thoughts/stories I'd like to share in my "notes" app on my big deal iPhone and once I fill up an entire page (or close to it...) -- I know it's time to blog!  You know--unless something really incredible happens to me over the weekend or something...  Lately I feel like I've been sharing lots of stories from my childhood.  I hope it's not boring you.  I don't know why that is, really... Maybe it's because I feel like sharing any current stories might subject me to judgement and ridicule... and who wants that?  Seriously! !

At any rate--- let's get to it, shall we? 

The first thing I have written on my list of "notes" is Abraham and Isaac.   I signed up for a Bible Study in September thinking it was a 6 week long course.  WRONG. It's a 6 MONTH long course...  (must remember to read fine print).  Not surprisingly, however, (because I'm starting figure out that God really knows what He is doing) I'm really enjoying it!  I'm learning a lot.  It's a no-nonsense, no small talk, get in there and get down to BUSINESS type of Bible Study and I LIKE it. We have rules:  1. If you didn't do your study for the week-- you are not allowed to talk during class.  BOO-YA!  2. If you have a prayer request--you must submit it in writing and it is emailed out to everyone in the group. Upon receiving it, you are to pray IMMEDIATELY and then you are to DELETE the email.  BOO-YA again! 

I think I am so into these rules because the last Bible Study group I was a part of took on a bit of a... how should I put it tactfully??  Hmmm... a "therapy session" sort of feel. We've all got issues.  It's cool.  That sort of group just isn't what I am looking for at this juncture in my life and boy, did God deliver.  So we were discussing Abraham and Isaac a few weeks back -- (And just a quick recap for those of you who are a little rusty on your Bible trivia):  [God commanded Abraham to take his son, Isaac, up on a mountain and kill him as a sacrifice to the Lord. And Abraham almost did it.  He bound him and put him on the altar and was about to stab him in the heart when God told him to stop, that he had proven himself faithful etc... ]  Okay, this post is not meant to be a Bible lesson---but I gotta tell you that this story REALLY hit home with me when I was about 5 years old.  Not the part about this being a foreshadowing of God sending his son to die for our sins (that came later)... I mean the part about this father being willing to stab his son in the heart and kill him!  I came home from sunday school and asked,  "Momma, if God told you to kill me like He told Abraham to kill Isaac, would you DO it?" ( If you guys know my momma, this story is funnier...)  I remember it so well... We were standing in the kitchen and I asked her and she paused and she thought about it and she got this really uncomfortable expression on her face and said, "Well, Myra, I'd have to make sure it was really God telling me to do it first." 

I remember thinking, Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?  

Myra:  "So, you would do it then!!  You would KILL me?!"
Momma:  "Only if I was SURE it was God telling me to do it." 
Myra: "I can't BELIEVE you would KILL me!!"
Momma: "Let's talk about what else you learned in Sunday school, My."
Myra: "I can't believe you would kill me!"
Momma: "You wanna go outside and play with your kitty cats?"
Myra: "I can't believe you would kill me!"
Momma: "We could read a book.  How about Cat in the Hat? It's your favorite.
Myra: "I can't BELIEVE you would kill me!"

This went on for at least a day.  Try sleeping on THAT for a while at age 5. I'm not kidding. I had some SERIOUS issues with it. STILL can't hear that story without it sending bone chilling fear up my spine.

Moving on---the second thing I have on my list of notes is "Secret Gymnastics."  I didn't even remember this story until very recently when a friend of mine pointed out to me that "I had always been a little shady." 
Gee thanks.
Then she reminded about a story I told her once in grade school when I begged my parents to let me take a gymnastics class in Memphis and not tell any of my friends about it.  

True story. 

But to justify this you see-- I was ALREADY taking a gymnastics class locally, but it wasn't good enough. (What?!  It wasn't.)   It was held in the gymnasium of a community college and had ONE set of bars, ONE beam, NO vault and NO real floor exercise space.  Totally BUSH LEAGUE! 

I am competitive to a fault sometimes.  I do know this about myself... but let me also mention  that the moment I expressed an interest in taking a gymnastics class to my momma--she told EVERYBODY else in town who had a daughter, and we ended up carpooling over there once a week for this dinko little class where most of the kids in it could hardly even do a CARTWHEEL.  I wanted to work on REAL tumbling and vaulting skills.  Think Nadia Comaneci and Mary Lou Retton (my childhood idols).  So after a few weeks of this substandard arrangement, I convinced my folks to let me take classes from a REAL school of gymnastics in Memphis.  My sweet daddy drove an hour each way after work twice a week for years so that I could do what I loved... and we.never.told.a.soul. 

Hahaha.  It was awesome.  I learned so much, worked with some great coaches and can still do a roundoff sequence of back handsprings to this day (just so you know--Humpfh!), but when I tried out for cheerleader in 7th grade and made it-- my parents said that I had to choose.  It was the "secret gymnastics" OR the cheer leading.  I couldn't do both.  I chose the cheer leading (mostly because of the allure of cute football players and the chance to wear the short skirt). 

After a while, I told a few friends about my gymnastics classes.  No one understood.  No one even knew what to SAY.  Ha!  I guess they were thinking that I was super weird and shady as hell.  However, I don't think that word had been invented yet, so mostly they just looked at me like I had insulted them in some way by not telling them about this sooner. 

Ahhahaha.  Some great memories. 

Here are a couple of really random things  I have listed in my notes app.... :

*Sneezing multiple times while driving a car is DANGEROUS

*Leftover cranberry sauce in a Ziplock looks an awful lot like a big ole bag of blood clots

And last but not least, there is the little matter of this MYTH BUSTER I have to share with all of you...

Do you SEE it?!  Do you SEE that huge blister?!  Well, I burned my hand on a skillet recently, which is perhaps another story, for another time.  ANYWAY-- upon receiving advice from TWO of my nurse friends that told me that I should not, no matter what, under any circumstance, pop this blister---- I did it anyway.  I couldn't help it!  It felt so tight and I kept hitting it on things and I couldn't work out with it AND it felt like it was about 1000 degrees in and around it.  I felt bad for disobeying their instructions, but I just couldn't take it anymore!

I will have you know that it felt better immediately.  Popping that sonofabi%ch blister was truly one of the top three best things I've ever done in my life.

That's all.  The End.
Yours ever,